Double Trouble: Reflections on intimate relationships and stress
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A similar article was published in News of stress, vol. 18 No. 1, January 2006.
Couples today, therefore the burden relations of high expectations, while almost never have time to develop or even the priority of the arts and skills necessary to provide the happy results they expect. Being in a relationship is one of the most rewarding things a man can achieve, but maintaining a relationship requires commitment, courage and perseverance. Today the difficult relationship has become even more fraught with failure and is become a major stressor. Is it simply the fault of the culture or is inevitable years that is coming out now? In this piece, I want to address this issue from a specific angle: how humans organize the challenge of privacy in their own bodies, looking at three major centers involved in the processing and exchange of energy used in intimate relationships: the head, heart and genitals.
Humans are mammals, but those who are with a wonderful blessing and sole possession of the neo-cortex reflexively. This gives us the advantage in evolutionary terms, it means that we can think of to make plans and strategies, and opinions, have a context in which we live. That's why we are dogs in the world. But with this gift only a curse. This means we can predict the future from the past and therefore we are concerned and therefore We usually have a hard time, sometimes for nothing. And because you do not run out into the natural environment in which we are an enemy, but rather an excess of fire of thought, feelings and adrenaline, which descended into internal strife and stress, which makes our life a misery, taxes our nervous system and internal organs unnecessarily.
Systemic, cargo facilities is essentially a self-reference, which tends to encourage self-importance and selfishness. Intimacy, however, have the curse and blessing, do not function well in an atmosphere of selfishness, or, more psycho-dynamic, reducing narcissism. Participate in a relationship means that the announcement of the person of the discovery of her lover's wishes and the promotion of the mutual fund as an asset of the matrix in which to grow. Fortunately, our ability to think is a fantastic tool for crossing the boundaries of the skin and dreams in a different reality. Potentially, it allows access to the status of other feeling empathetic. We can then make accessories and genuine relationship with the bond of mutual sympathy, perhaps the greatest comfort a man can have. The scheme primary because it is our expectation built to feed and shelter when you're very young, with that big brain of our ability born prematurely and more vulnerable our mammalian cousins others. However, this ability to go beyond the current experience can also cause anxiety, as we expect and predict. A Once the honeymoon period "of intimate relationships is more, sometimes expect (and get) the criticism and blame from family members, rather than empathy I feel like. Soon will launch a store of bad experiences, the memories of our desires for connection of love have been thwarted, so we imagine worst, play safely, delete or manipulate the other to increase safety results. This is a simple reason why our expectations are always met in intimate relationships: it is unlikely to gain unconditional acceptance once they are children. But it also involves several complex factors psychotherapy. For find a partner we scan the best fit, both physically and psychologically. In a surprising and mysterious precise mechanism, we seek not only to people with reasonable genes, but also someone who has a selection of qualities and skills that we developed in our families of origin or have been repudiated. To encourage these choices we make a great effort to show us your best, and keep this place is not easy. Over time, relax and break with our best behavior, and our partner is affected. At the same time, these attributes than originally associated with our partner, to feel more complete now beginning to irritate. The result is that we love and problems and because the same phenomenon happening to our partner, the penalty is doubled.
The heart of the matter
The heart has been associated with love and lovers from the lonely goatherd strung a pumpkin first to write a love song to the girl who stood up in his poor heart prehistoric. Poets and popsstars continue without reduction, as if the role of the heart in the relationship is obvious, but requires sung. Although not easy, everyone knows that "since the heart "produces a different quality in the statement that" being in his head. "If we could all times the spirit of the two storms War and interact with each other whenever the heart, everything in the garden would be rosy. But is there really something in this area, or is it just a metaphor?
The heart is an organ that is at the heart of life, first to develop in the fetus of mammals, the only (in good condition) a live outside the body, and all very similar in both sexes. Generally considered a bomb, but the heart is actually "a very complex center of self-organization information processing with its own functional "brain" that communicates with the brain and the skull through the system influences nerve pathways hormonal and other "(Childre). Recent advances in neurobiology, attachment theory, and psychology class, despite working in different REAS are Notable developing similar conclusions about the primacy of the heart function of human activity. The conclusion is that there is a "brain" is in the heart of the top, which has a lot more than what has already been taken into account. Neuroscientists have recently discovered that emotional signals, which arrive by the old "parts of the brain, have a far greater impact on cognitive functioning and independent than had been imagined. Surprisingly, also extends outside the body, apparently by a range of about five meters, which suggests that it is designed to monitor the external environment or the person it serves. Then a cat lover or check? Sex In psychology we sometimes say: "hearts connected. But the closed hearts be withdrawn in fear. Paradoxically, the key to privacy must be deliberately vulnerable, while our survival instinct is to defend against any price weakness.
The genital impulse of love
If we limit our definition of the intimate relationship we have to think that this implies a duo created when individuals chose to have sex together, usually to the exclusion of other couples. Therefore, if our civilized sensibility, despite the tendency of society to marginalize to these private organizations, we can not exclude the genitals, if partners are the same or different sex. Couplehood is a matter genitals. The size and shape of the genitals male mammals are free to the location of, and governed by the shape of the female. Is sex the last word scalable. We might add that there is a strong attraction and directionality of them, including the man "wants to" give and take the female. Otherwise, none of us born. There is clearly a term strong internal field liaison between our heart and genitals – after all, is the heart that fills these organs by the blood during arousal occurs for make love.
A Dutch psychologist Willem bodypsychotherapist Poppeliers and made a study of these connections and their effects on sexual health and development family. Its revolutionary land sex therapy is based on the premise of an energy "steam" in the body that connects the heart and genitals, and able to bind another person of the opposite sex to form a complete and satisfactory. We could call this strong set-up for intercourse. But when a couple learns to count in this flow, somatic ideal conditions arise for their children to learn to regulate and balance their own energy, so loving, aggressive, active or reflective. But Success is not so easy, Poppeliers shows for each sex was another priority of the load. In the male or the initial charge is positive in the genital organs and female is in the heart. The natural flow direction follows the trend electro-magnetic, such as a battery, the positive negative. People in need have been developed to match a stream of well-regulated home and power to bring together.
But the review, often it feels amazing and has not otherwise received. Its default position is to want to give with your heart and your emotions have received, to make you feel relaxed and safe enough to open their genitals. Here is a classic relational impasse, which is reinforced by the body's energy field. Without wanting to stereotype, as if men need genital contact to be ready for intimacy, privacy and women need to be ready genital opening. The couple lives in this challenging and dynamic. adults will be organized, hopefully more compassion and commitment of conflict and sacrifice.
When the affective domain, a couple has developed a difficult history, how to negotiate for sex Sex may be too much for both parties to resolve because it involves many emotions, the main one is fear. Then mutual genital maintain or stops completely. In these circumstances, men may lose the incentive to work towards developing a strong heart and flexible, they say, is the task of evolution and protect women and insemination their descendants is your target disk. Women can get forgo claims, saying that anyway, have passed their date of sellby erotic. This usually produce extreme stress. Hopefully, couples recognize and enter couples therapy, rather than separately and neglect. As men age their energy penetration tends to soften. If the heart has not developed, may be reluctant to want sex at all, because it is too difficult to tackle. This is one of the most difficult conditions to resolve in couples therapy, because the will of the Prime genital somehow seems that the natural tendency to develop and evolve. Therefore, even with the best therapeutic care, treatment is unlikely.
Privacy, therefore, involve the whole range of physical and energetic animals miraculous that we are human. Imagine, however, that can leave their culture to our instinctive reflexes and is asking for trouble stress. On the other hand, participate in the psycho-spiritual adventure invites a sexual partner in the challenge of bringing Maturity means understand that we must develop skills and be willing to grow and live our potential. It is not surprising that so hard!
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